Looking within allows me to find many questions i have since i became aware of my physical existence, all the why-s and how come-s, even all the mundane everyday questions. In the age where we tend to seek external stimuli (tv, radio, other media, entertainment...) we forget to go back to the Source that is always inside all of us.

Going within gives me calm and contentment...as simple as being in Mother's womb. It nourishes me without force. I feel close to the all that is true beyond perceivable colors.

I am nothing but a patchwork quilt of Life.

Living in different cities, countries, continents, cultures, languages has made me lost and confused about my identity often. I don't feel i belong to any particular group. But having said that, i feel i have a little bit of everything of the places i've been. I feel like i've left some parts of me in those places and the same way, i've taken something from those places as well. All the similarities and paradox of these places become blur...just like demarcation lines on the map disappearing. I don't see so much on differences. Maybe because i feel i don't belong to any group, when i'm a new environment, i try to blend in and be like everybody else. This is the time i have to remind my self that it's ok to be different and to have my own undefined identity. When this is the projection of my self, it's nice to see the kind of souls i attract. They are universal souls like me.

With the global consciousness changing, i feel there are more and more children and parents of these children who are embracing unity. Labelings and stereotypes is gradually becoming a thing of the past. (Having said that, on my bad days, there are still individuals who like to put things in separate boxes....but i guess we always have a choice whether we want to grow our hearts bigger so we can fit in more compassion in it, or shrink it with fear and prejudice) In my relatively nomadic life, i've seen people who have lived in different continents and speak numerous languages but their world is small, and a peasant who don't speak a word of foreign language but his/ her world is universal.

....many rivers, one ocean.....

I'm celebrating peace by making peace with myself, my body, my thoughts...making peace with others, relieving myself and others from the burden of prejudice and animosity...making peace with my surrounding and Mother Earth, trying to understand the divine exchange...

Praying that Peace permeates all beings, granting us the grace to live in true harmony.

Om Shantih Shantih Shantihi

I would like to dedicate this entry to my Twin Soul in gaia. I hope you are well. I know you are. I read a blog entry of a dear friend in gaia the other day. It was about loneliness and suicide. Another time i read other's entries about discrimination, racism, domestic violence, hate crime. But also many more times i read about love, sharing and bringing joy, kindness and endless heartfelt and uplifting entries. I have been in some of these situations and i can put myself in other situations mentioned. And i am grateful. These painful and insufferable situations are seeds for healing. It may be a paradox, but this is the start of a greater understanding.

When i was 6, i had an experience that people called "an out of body experience". I didn't know it had a name. It was a beginning of a greater understanding of some sort. But this understanding brought me pain. I felt like i didn't belong in this world. I just wanted to go back where i came from. I was still considered normal, because i kept all my feelings and thoughts to myself. The first suicidal thought i can remember was when i was 9. I told my younger sister not to come to our bedroom, because i thought it was "going to be messy". But i never 'managed' to do it. Thank God. These episodes came and went for many years, until my daughter came to find me. She was the cosmic clock that told me to start healing. To this day, she remains the angel that keeps me going. I call her Sunshine. She calls me "the sugar in her tisane (tea)" :-)

The process of healing is not a straight upward curve. It is meandering and unpredictable. It's not always easy. Especially when we are faced with the past demons. But the journey is definitely enjoyable. The fact that it's not "first class seat" keep us humble and grateful. Just like the practice of tapah, just like going on a pilgrimage, whether it's going to Mt Kailash or Santiago or Mecca or Bodh Gaya....we feel more appreciative when things are not so 'easy'. Or like living in Paris, i'm bombarded by paradox everyday :-)

By understanding the dark side, i know that i am a creation of Light. By understanding 'death', i know how to live (this i learn a lot from the Tibetan's Tantra practice, also from my suicidal episodes). By being discriminated against, i understand how we are the same and what binds us is universal love regardless of human labelings. By being alone, i know that i am never alone, that Sadguru inside me will guide me to find the right friends for me.

Twin Soul, you are not alone. Never. An angel i met in gaia (Mathew) he said

"you are loved

you are cared for

you are respected

you are forgiven

you are important

you are special"

Our "civilization" is concerned with what is tangible. Eloquence in verbal skills, semantics, paper qualification from a certain institution can imply one's intellegence.

The Truth that can be named is not truth (the Tao says). Truth, like the Higher Consciousness, like Loving Compassion, can only be felt. I don't know, maybe the witnessing can be called fact. Facts can "change" depending on the "eyes" that see them. We fight and argue whether global warming is real or not, whether certain conspiracy theories are real or not. Fact or fiction becomes blur. The world becomes an illusion. We cannot argue about the Truth. It would be an empty and pointless argument.

When we all embrace and understand and experience the Truth...we don't need any verbal language. There is only one language. Sri Aurobindo says  even "the plants have conscience, we can communicate at ease with them"

THE SUPREME CONSCIOUSNESS
Any energy is invisible. We see the operation and action of electrical energy through lights, fans, and so on. Similarly, no one has ever seen the sun - only its action. It looks round, but from a short distance it is simply something burning. So electricity and the sun are to be felt only. The same is the case with the mind. No one can show his mind, nor can one see one's own mind. One can only feel. Similarly, the Supreme Consciousness is only to be felt and realized. When the whole mind is filled with the feeling of the Supreme Consciousness you can hardly bear it - nor can you express the bliss. You feel it - you can only enjoy it!

(Ánanda Vacanámrtam, 27)

The answer is YES...YES... YES . Thank you for posting this question.

If there is one thing that keeps me going is that one belief in all sentient beings' innate longing to move towards "that" is inherently good. Human beings (in most cases) are seen as the most evolved species on this planet. We have the freewill to lead ourselves towards the Higher Consciousness or away. I believe the collective consciousness is shifting towards the more positive. I see the change in me and in the people, even animals around me (it could be also because I gravitate towards people who share similar vibe) that we are more connected with the environment around us, we are more aware of what we do to ourselves, how we affect each other and how we affect the environment around us.

One day we will truly understand the meaning of "i am you and you are me"
The basic human connection.
One day we all realise how sacred our breath is.
So Hum ...So Hum...So Hum

Oh That which attracts Bliss, please take me to You!

Leaders lead a group of people, a company, an organization, a country... They are at the position to make or break their people, to sustain or to collapse the entity they lead.

I hope people who decide to be leaders are aware of this responsibility, honest to their conscience and realize the inter-connection of all entities. From Bhagavad Gita to Lord of the Rings to Narnia...it's always conveying the message how one can become good leaders...but sadly the lesson has not been understood. Many leaders don't even know how to govern themselves, how could they govern others?

Generation after generation...destruction after destruction....all in the name of empty ideologies.

Leaders need to understand the basic law of cause and effect.

Mother, what is sleep? Is it only the need of the body to rest or is it something else?

The Mother says:
Sleep can be a very active means of concentration and inner knowledge. Sleep is the school one has to go through, if one knows how to learn his lesson there, so that the inner being may be independent of the physical form, conscious in itself and master if its own life. There are entire parts of thebeing which need this immobility and semi-consciousness of the outer being, of the body, in order to be able to live their own life, independently.

Sleep is indispensable in the present state of the body. It is by a progressive control over the subconscient that the sleep become more and more conscious.

(The Mother on the sadhana of sleep)

Everytime we turn to the media (TV, radio, music, news, newspaper,...) it tends to be abound with negativity such as wars, disasters, violence, instant sex,...joblessness
At work, people spend time and energy and brain power to do politics instead of just doing the job. People/ nations are pitted against each other. Religions and beliefs become source of violence.

Past hurts become obstacles rather than good lessons. If one has been hurt in such a way, why can't one try not to hurt others the same way? The vicious cycle, where does it end? Being played on by media, giant corporations, lord of nations with greedy self-interest...how do we quit the game and the rat race? We live life hopping from one rat race onto another.

I'm trying and persevering on cultivating fearless living, positivity, love against hatred, peace against violence, discernment against discrimination.

May all beings anytime everywhere be joyful. Om Shantih.